Day 12: My Image of God

IN Day 3, we talked about God’s image of us, but what about our image of God? Since the Fall of Adam and Eve, our image of the Father has become distorted. We view Him through the lens of our fallen natures and human relationships… and that too needs to be healed.

Let’s begin In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, amen.

Come Holy Spirit, and pierce through my judgments of You, of my God. Grant me new eyes with which to behold the truth of my Creator. Grant me new ears to hear His tender voice. Grant me a heart of flesh in place of a heart of stone that has so often built a wall between me and the Father. Come Holy Spirit: burn away my fear of God; wipe away my tears of feeling abandoned; and help me to trust that my Father is always present and never far. I pray through Jesus Christ my Lord, amen.

Let’s continue our prayer, inviting the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts…

Come Holy Spirit

Come Holy Spirit, come Holy Spirit
Come Holy Spirit, come Holy Spirit

Come Holy Spirit, come Holy Spirit
Come Holy Spirit, come Holy Spirit
And burn away my fears, and wipe away my tears
And trusting you are here, Holy Spirit

Come Holy Spirit, come Holy Spirit
Come Holy Spirit, come Holy Spirit

Come Holy Spirit, come Holy Spirit
Come Holy Spirit, come Holy Spirit
And burn away my fears, and wipe away my tears
And trusting you are here, Holy Spirit
And burn away my fears, and wipe away my tears
And trusting you are here, Holy Spirit
Come Holy Spirit…

—Mark Mallett, from Let the Lord Know, 2005©

Taking Stock

As we come into the last days of this retreat, what would you say your image of the Heavenly Father is today? Do you see Him more as the title St. Paul gave us: “Abba”, which is Hebrew for “Daddy”… or as a distant Father, a harsh judge always hovering above your imperfections? What lingering fears or hesitations do you have about the Father, and why?

Take a few moments in your journal to write down your thoughts of how you see God the Father.

A Little Testimony

I was born a cradle Catholic. From the youngest age, I fell in love with Jesus. I experienced the joy of loving, praising, and learning about Him. Our family life was for the most part happy and filled with laughter. Oh, we had our fights… but we also knew how to forgive. We learned how to pray together. We learned how to play together. By the time I left home, my family was my best friends, and my personal relationship with Jesus continued to grow. The world seemed like a beautiful frontier…

In the summer of my 19th year, I was practicing Mass music with a friend when the phone rang. My dad asked me to come home. I asked him why but he said, “Just come home.” I drove home, and as I began my walk to the back door, I had this feeling my life was going to change. When I opened the door, my family was standing there, all of them crying.

“What??” I asked.

“Your sister has died in a car accident.”

Lori was 22 years old, a respiratory nurse. She was a beautiful person who filled a room with laughter. It was May 19, 1986. Instead of the usual mild temperatures around 20 degrees, it was a freak blizzard. She passed a snowplow on the highway causing a whiteout, and crossed the lane into an oncoming truck. The nurses and doctors, her colleagues, tried to save her — but it wasn’t to be.

My only sister was gone… the picturesque world I had constructed came tumbling down. I was confused and shocked. I grew up watching my parents give to the poor, visit seniors, help men in prison, assist pregnant women, start a youth group… and above all, love us children with an intense love. And now, God had called home their daughter.

Years later, when I held my first baby girl in my arms, I often thought of my parents holding Lori. I couldn’t help but wonder how hard it would be to lose this precious little life. I sat down one day, and put those thoughts to music…

I Love You Baby

Four in the morn’ when my daughter was born
She touched something deep in me
I was in awe at the new life I saw and I
Stood there and I cried
Ya, she touched somethin’ inside

I love you baby, I love you baby
You are my flesh and my own
I love you baby, I love you baby
As far as you will go, I’ll love you so

Funny how time can leave you behind,
Always on the go
She turned eighteen, now she is rarely seen
In our quiet little home
Sometimes I feel so alone

I love you baby, I love you baby
You are my flesh and my own
I love you baby, I love you baby
As far as you will go, I’ll love you so

Sometimes in summer, the leaf falls too soon
Long before it’s fully bloomed
So every day now, I bow and I pray:
“Lord, hold my little girl today,
When you see her, tell her daddy says:”

“I love you baby, I love you baby
You are my flesh and my own
I love you baby, I love you baby
I pray you’ll always know,
May the Good Lord tell you so
I love you baby”

—Mark Mallett, from Vulnerable, 2013©

God is God — I am Not

When I turned 35, my dear friend and mentor, my mom, passed away from cancer. I was left once again realizing that God is God, and I am not.

How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways! “For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been His counselor? Or who has given a gift to Him that He might be repaid?” (Rom 11:33-35)

In other words, does God owe us anything? It was not He who initiated suffering in our world. He gifted mankind with immortality in a beautiful world, and a nature that could love and know Him, and all the gifts that came with that. Through our rebellion, death entered the world and a bottomless chasm between us and the divine that only God Himself could, and did fill. Is it not we who have a debt of love and gratitude to pay?

It is not the Father but our free will that we should be afraid of!

What should the living complain about? about their sins! Let us search and examine our ways, and return to the LORD! (Lam 3:39-40)

Jesus’s death and resurrection did not take away suffering and death but gave it purpose. Now, suffering can refine us and death becomes a doorway to eternity.

Illness becomes a way to conversion… (Catechism of the Catholic Church, n. 1502)

John’s Gospel says that “God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.”^[1]John 3:16 It does not say that whoever believes in Him will have a perfect life. Or a carefree life. Or a prosperous life. It promises eternal life. Suffering, decay, sorrow… these now become the fodder by which God matures, strengthens, and ultimately purifies us for eternal glory.

We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

He does not willingly afflict or bring grief to human beings. (Lam 3:33)

In truth, I had treated the Lord like a vending machine: if one just behaves, does the right things, goes to Mass, prays… all will go well. But if that were true, then wouldn’t I be God and He would be the one doing my bidding?

My image of the Father needed to be healed. It started with realizing that God loves everyone, not just the “good Christians.”

…He makes His sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust. (Matt 5:45)

Good comes to all, and so does suffering. But if we let Him, God is the Good Shepherd who will walk with us through the “valley of the shadow of death” (cf. Psalm 23). He doesn’t remove death, not until the end of the world — but offers to safeguard us through it.

…he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. The last enemy to be destroyed is death. (1 Cor 15:25-26)

On the eve of my sister’s funeral, my mom sat on the edge of my bed and looked at my brother and I. “Boys, we have two choices,” she quietly said. “We can blame God for this, we can say, ‘After all we have done, why have you treated us this way? Or,” mom continued, “we can trust that Jesus is here with us now. That He’s holding us and crying with us, and that He’ll help us get through this.” And He did.

A Faithful Refuge

John Paul II once said:

Jesus is demanding, because He wishes our genuine happiness. The Church needs saints. All are called to holiness, and holy people alone can renew humanity. —POPE JOHN PAUL II, World Youth Day Message for 2005, Vatican City, Aug. 27th, 2004, Zenit

Pope Benedict later added,

Christ did not promise an easy life. Those who desire comforts have dialed the wrong number. Rather, he shows us the way to great things, the good, toward an authentic life. —POPE BENEDICT XVI, Address to German Pilgrims, April 25th, 2005

“Great things, the good, an authentic life” — this is possible in the midst of suffering, precisely because we have a loving Father to sustain us. He sends us His Son to open the Way to Heaven. He sends us the Spirit so that we may have His Life and power. And He preserves us in the Truth so that we may always be free.

And when we fail? “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”^[2]1 John 1:9 God is not the tyrant we have made Him to be.

The LORD’s acts of mercy are not exhausted, His compassion is not spent; they are renewed each morning — great is your faithfulness! (Lam 3:22-23)

What of sickness, loss, death, and suffering? Here is the Father’s promise:

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor My covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you. (Isaiah 54:10)

The promises of God in this life are not about preserving your comfort but preserving your peace. Fr. Stan Fortuna C.F.R. used to day, “We’re all going to suffer. You can either suffer with Christ or suffer without Him. I’m going to suffer with Christ.”

When Jesus prayed to the Father, He said:

I do not ask that you take them out of the world but that you keep them from the Evil One. (John 17:15)

In other words, “I am not asking You to remove the evils of suffering — their crosses, which are necessary for their purification. I am asking that you keep them from the worst evil of all: a satanic deception that would separate them from Me for eternity.

This is the shelter the Father extends to you each moment. These are the wings He stretches forth like a mother hen, to safeguard your salvation so you may know and love your Heavenly Daddy for eternity.

Instead of hiding from God, begin to hide in Him. Imagine yourself on the Father’s lap, His arms around you as you pray with this song, and Jesus and the Holy Spirit surrounding you with their love…

Hiding Place

You are my hiding place
You are my hiding place
Abiding in You face to Face
You are my hiding place

Surround me, my Lord
Surround me, my God
O surround me, Jesus

You are my hiding place
You are my hiding place
Abiding in You face to Face
You are my hiding place

Surround me, my Lord
Surround me, my God
O surround me, Jesus
Surround me, my Lord
O surround me, my God
O surround me, Jesus

You are my hiding place
You are my hiding place
Abiding in You face to Face
You are my hiding place
You are my hiding place
You are my hiding place
You are my hiding place
You are my refuge, are my shelter
Within Your presence, I dwell
You are my hiding place