I snapped this photo of a field near our farm when my hay equipment broke down
and I was waiting for parts,
Tramping Lake, SK, Canada
DEAR family and friends,
It’s been awhile since I have had a moment to sit down and write you. Since the storm that struck our farm back in June, the whirlwind of ongoing crises and problems has kept me away from my desk literally ever day. You would not believe it if I told you all that continues to happen. It has been nothing short of a mind-numbing two months.
Without giving any further attention to that, I just want to thank each and every one of you for your prayers, your thoughtfulness, your generosity, and your ongoing concern. This is just to say that you have never left my thoughts either. I pray for my readers each day, and look forward to finding a rhythm again (God willing) where I can continue to fulfill my duties in this ministry, until the Lord calls me Home.
I am aware of the crises unfolding around us, particularly in the Church with the latest high-ranking scandals. If I can say anything it is that this is no surprise to me. The apostasy of previous decades has come home to roost, as Our Lady said it would. The dysfunction and sin in the Church is not only coming out into the open, but will continue to do so until each of us is on our knees. We’re not there yet… though, I must say, that the past two months on this farm has been like a microcosm of what is, and is coming. For I have been brought to my knees. I have seen the utter dysfunction in my soul. I have seen my total need for God and the truth that, without Him, I am lost. And I’m sure I will be writing about it in the days ahead in order to help you, who are, and will be going through the same.
Last, do not despair. No matter what, do not despair. Pain, sorrow, humiliation, tears, and hardship are the lot of all of us in this life until the New Heavens and Earth are ushered in… but despair belongs to Satan. Do not give in to despair tonight. Rather, cave in to complete abandonment—the kind of surrender that says, “Jesus, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this without you. I will stop trying, and start trusting, because I can’t make it work without you. I will stop trying to make it work and simply let go.” And then… let go.
Well, I didn’t want to start preaching, but it’s hard when you love. Can I say that I simply and truly love you? You need to know that. You need to know that someone out there on the face of the earth whom you’ve never met loves you. And yet, I am a pauper. Imagine how much Jesus, who died for you, must love you! When all seems lost, that is when He is often found. So don’t lose hope. Begin again. But just for tomorrow. Not next week, or next month. Just start again tomorrow… start with God. Begin and end with God. He can make all things work to the good when you love Him. Though the Lord has been mostly silent the past two months, He has given me very small moments to cling to… enough manna for the day. But just one day.
When I cried out to my spiritual director recently, he just looked at me and said, “What would you do if one of your kids came and cried and screamed and protested to you?”
“I would listen,” I said.
“That’s what the Father is doing with you right now. He’s listening to you and loving you.”
Somehow, for that day, that was all I needed to hear.
m.
P.S. Next week, I am headed to a camp with my sons. Say a pray for all the boys and dads that I’ll be ministering to there.
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